I have been in denial of late. I have not been able to face the fact that I no longer have a place to be in the world. I left one land at the call of Elohim and moved to another where I have no material guarantee of permanence. I cannot look back and return. and in this in-between I have no allotment. for the Lord my Elohim is my inheritance. He is my portion on this earth. but it is so hard to accept this truth. as His mysterious paths have unfolded before my feet, I have been struggling to come to terms with the reality that God is all I have and this is enough. whether I have a roof or not, He is enough. His presence is my security and my rest.
it is a curious fact that security can be bought and exchanged—if you can afford it, of course. degrees, houses, cars, promotions, social status, etc. all come at a price. but God seems to desire something higher and more noble from us. our complete belief that He has got it all covered, even when He allows the world to fall out from under our feet and we pass through the flood and the fire.
in this season of transition I have so burned for the security of permanence: an apartment to call my own. the comfort of a monthly wage. friends to coffee with. or even just one friend in this new city. a free pass to settle in the land and remain indefinitely. what I have received instead has been the challenge to trust more deeply. to put more confidence in Elohim my Father. wait for Him to act. for this is the blessed state: to patiently wait on the Lord. I do not understand yet why exactly it is a blessing but the way the Scriptures repeatedly encourage waiting on God makes it hard to deny that it is good. I guess it is good because He is the essence of goodness. fact. and His rewards always exceed the narrow straits that He leads us through.
on days like today the faith-filled words of Yov and the psalmist speak of a reality that transcends my present circumstances: ‘I lift my eyes up to the hills; where does my help come from? my help it comes from Yahveh the maker of heaven and earth.’ yes, how blessed is the man who waits for His salvation.
so rest my soul. at just the right time you will find that you are home.
Kambani Ramano is a roving photographer and writer of biographies who finds himself caught up in the story of God, following Heaven’s High King wherever He leads. get in touch with Kambani to commission the telling of your own story; or, click here to read other stories and poems that he has written.